I was so glad to be invited back to RVF this year as a part of the Ugandan Massive. This year we were 25 in number including Newcomers: Lady Slyke, DJ Nesta, Winnie, Sweet Banana, Moroto Industries and Nilotika Percussion Ensemble. Alongside myself, Blessed San and DJ Ska Face I think we represented Uganda to the maximum. This year I got to stay at Top Camp which was bliss, because I rarely get to spend time alone. I enjoyed it immensely. It gave me the opportunity to create new pieces, meditate, reflect, stretch and just be with myself. I found because of this my interactions with people had greater meaning because I enjoyed them more.
I hadn’t realized that i had not been on my own website since December 2013.
I was told by a Hindu friend of mine that witnessing the last breathe of ones parents is a blessing, they pass on their wisdom to those present. i feel honoured to have been present at the passing of my mother but i miss her.
Returning to my beloved UG I have been working on a number of projects including the training of Peace Corp volunteers, facilitating street workers to tell their life stories through the river of life exercise, developing peaceful leadership with Writing Our World, organizing Laba Art Festival which this year was over 2 days.
I was telling a friend today that so many people have images of me that I have never seen. So i decided to treat myself and get some photos done. I wanted something Afro futuristic, daring and new. I wanted to explore and challenge myself to represent my image differently . Yes I am a Nubian Queen, Mama Africa but what else am I?
Identity is not static but sometimes I think that is what I have become. Its all too easy to get locked into the conventional, comfortable representations of Africans women as either seductress or mother.
Last night a close friend told me that I was a house slave, wanting to work in the ‘big house’ and get the scraps off the big table. This was an analogy for my need for gainful employment , the regular monthly income. The security of knowing no matter how little I am getting in salary, I’m still getting something.
This conversation arose because right now I have to move house. I’ve located a house which is beautiful but more expensive. He tells me I should act ‘as if ‘ I have the money and keep my mind focused on attracting what I need, not on what I don’t have. It’s all very esoteric ,but does it work and am I really a house slave?
I am a mental person. A poet, a thinker, a creative and I have realized that the mind is a very under used resource. We spend most of our thinking time either in the past or worrying about the future. Seldom are we in the present . We also tend to be quite negative having those bad thoughts either about ourselves or others. So in total we tend not to be very productive mentally.
After having a conversation about the house I call the new landlord. I love the house but I can’t make 4 months in advance. To my surprise he tells us that he would accept 3 months. Wow this is great as I have 2 million already, maybe it’s possible to raise 1 million more. These are the times I have to remind myself how dynamic I am, well connected, creative but it’s a challenge, in my mind all I know is I don’t have that 1m.
In energetic terms this is what keeps people impoverished. When we focus on what we don’t have that’s exactly what is given back to us by our environment. Everything, when you break it down is based on atoms which are units of energy. So it really is an energetic equation. There is a part of the brain called the Reticular Activator System (RAS) which acts as a magnet drawing and scanning the environment for what we need, so it’s about us training our minds in a different way. The brain is not bound by time so when we visualize ourselves having or doing something it’s like the brain is actually having that experience. It doesn’t know it’s not real. So all we have to do is see ourselves doing or having the object of our desire. We have to act ‘as if’. Ok. now I have to shift my thinking to one of ‘yes I can, yes I will’.
Now onto the next question. Am I a house slave? If I’m honest , I do like security, I need to feel grounded. Even though work in the big house was just as traumatic there was a certain degree of comfort. But when I check myself again I realize that I’m also quite rebellious, I ‘m challenged by authority and prefer to be autonomous. So why do I always look for the Job?
I think it’s got a lot to do with fear of taking risks and possibly loosing. When you work for yourself you have to be prepared to try new things, to take calculated risks (as opposed to being spontaneous) and to sometimes get it wrong.
For most of us this is a big barrier to doing something different. We don’t like to get it wrong. I see it a lot in the students that I teach, they would prefer not to try which means they won’t fail. So I have to build their confidence, to let them know it’s ok to try and fail as long as they realize they will always learn something from the process. So maybe I am coming to a time in my life where I have to go out on my own and trust my skills and abilities. When I post on my facebook page I’m teaching myself what I most need to learn and in the process inspiring others. How hard can it be to depend on myself? It’s definitely scary but as the saying goes the journey begins with the first step.
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